The wheel has been one of the fundamental technologies powering human civilisation since the very beginning. Now, for the first time, we might be witnessing its historic demise.
Felix Ventor of Static has invented the Treel — a replacement for the wheel that promises to take vehicular traffic, and indeed all known mechanical systems, into the future. Though critics say it’s actually just an unusable triangle-shaped object that lacks the fluid rolling qualities of a round wheel, Ventor’s social media fanbase is vehement in its support for the Treel.
“Nothing starts out perfect,” said Soojan Maska, a social media user whose profile describes her as a computer scientist, “People complaining about the Treel’s starting troubles are failing to see what it may become one day.”
Maska herself has installed Treels on her car and says that aside from leaving her slightly jaded at the end of short journeys and her car almost completely wrecked, the Treel is a great replacement for wheels. “I used to fall asleep while driving. That doesn’t happen anymore, even though I did pass out once after my head hit the car’s roof. I think I might replace my steering wheel with a Treel too.” She now lives in her car, having recently sold her house to buy the four Treels.
Last week, answering questions after a presentation before the media, Ventor said that his company has taken note of user complaints. “The Treel is a perfect design. But present day vehicles were designed with outdated wheel thinking. We are going to need a complete overhaul of all transport systems, right down to all the tiny wheels serving as machine parts in engines. Until that happens, compatibility issues are bound to surface.”
Madho Ghuskharan, co-founder of global venture capital agency Doctor & Gamble, said his $2 trillion investment in Static was partly because he didn’t know what to do with his gambling money but partly also because he was impressed by Ventor’s passion for a more efficient future. “He hit me on the head with a dildo during a presentation. That kind of audacity can be found either in a brazen-faced scammer or a legendary genius. I’m betting he’s the latter.” Ghuskharan admitted he doesn’t know what a Treel is or what it looks like.
Now, as Ventor’s fans on social media post pictures of burning tyres and threaten to kill anyone with tyres on their vehicles after calling them establishment shills, Static is successfully lobbying lawmaker’s on all sides of the aisle to pass legislation to promote the use of Treels in systems everywhere.
